Earlier this week, the public said goodbye to Kobe Bryant and his daughter in a moving Celebration of Life. The deaths of Kobe, Gigi, and the others on board that helicopter on January 26, 2020 may have had triggering effects on the grief that you have been feeling during your divorce.
Grieving in Death and Divorce
A divorce is like a death in many ways and you may be feeling even more down with all the news and social media content surrounding the recent loss of a legend. You are keenly aware that there are families experiencing loss like yours. When public figures pass away, others who may have had no personal connection to them still grieve. Why? Because, as humans, we are innately compassionate and feel the pain that another goes through when they lose a mother, father, daughter, or a son. Also, in the case of Kobe Bryant, you may relate to how his wife is coping with her new horizon as a single parent.
It’s during times like this that people reflect on life and realize that they too are not immune to tragedy. The sad realization that any day could be the last day with your loved ones is a tough one to mentally process. Everyone copes with grief differently and everyone gets through it at their own pace.
Below are 7 tips for coping with grief:
1) Feel all the feels and don’t let anyone tell you how to feel
Grief may feel never ending and sometimes you may want to block it. However, it is actually important to embrace all of the feelings. Take the time to be attentive to what you are feeling. A famous theorist on death and dying, Elizabeth Kubler Ross, noted that there are 5 stages of grief: denial, anger, depression, bargaining, and acceptance. Allow yourself to go through all these stages. It’s not a linear process – so be patient with yourself. Your grief is your own and no one can tell you when to move on.
2) Take a “Me Break”
There’s nothing wrong with taking a day for yourself. If it means cancelling plans or taking a day off work – do it. Cry if you need to. You have to put the proverbial oxygen mask on yourself first before you can take care of your daily obligations.
3) Find something to celebrate in life, even the small wins
Even throughout a tragedy, there are always small wins to acknowledge throughout the day. It could be that you were able to eat a healthy meal, that you have a job, or that you have one close confidant to talk to about your problems. No matter how big or small, celebrate these wins.
4) Use creative outlets to express your grief
Celebrate the value that the person had on your life. You can do this by making a scrap book, writing a letter or a song, maintaining a journal, or creating a photo album of your memories.
5) Plan ahead for grief triggers
Anniversaries, holidays, and special milestones can trigger or reawaken past memories. Prepare for them in advance. Sometimes this may mean talking to family members ahead of time to let them know what would be helpful for you.
6) Make your self-care a priority and try to maintain your hobbies
During grief, your mind and body can take a hit. Try to avoid falling into that trap by purposefully prioritizing your self-care. Take a long shower, go to bed early, eat a healthy meal, watch a movie, read a book, listen to music, or go for a walk (or a run).
7) If you need help, ask
Support is invaluable. Don’t be afraid to talk to a trusted friend, attend a support group, or open up to a therapist. Find a safe place where you feel comfortable sharing what you are going through.
Returning home safely each day is one of the most underrated acts of our day-to-day life. Allow yourself to grieve your loss, but be thankful for the gifts that each day offers. Even in times of despair, the gifts are there if you look for them.