The coronavirus pandemic has thrown a big curveball to couples who are separated but living in the same home.
Some people choose to remain in the same home during the separation period for financial reasons, or for the sake of their children. Whatever the reasoning for living together but separately, it normally works well because one or both parties work and spend time outside the home.
However, with stay at home orders and social distancing requirements, both parties are now stuck in the same home together – but not together. So, what happens now?
Unusual Circumstances
First, understand that this is an extraordinary circumstance. You may both have to tolerate the situation, and all the awkwardness that comes with it. Through no one’s fault, you have been confined to an uncomfortable scenario. It’s important not to place blame here. That will only make the situation worse.
Making a Plan
You may find it useful to make a plan, lay down ground rules and identify personal space. Virginia law is very specific about how separating couples need to live, even when they’re under the same roof. You are required to stay separate and lead independent lives. The idea is that you should be living as if you are polite roommates.
Ideally, you should each have your own designated household areas. For example, you would have your own kitchen items, you wouldn’t eat together, you would have separate bedrooms, bathrooms and living room spaces, and you wouldn’t spend social time together.
How your plan is implemented will depend on your home, and your soon-to-be former spouse. For example, if you live in a two-story home, one of you might be able to live downstairs and the other can live upstairs. Designate an outside area for each person, if possible. Assign times for kitchen use for each party.
Manage Stress Appropriately
Your plan should include how to manage the stress of everything going on. The health quarantine restrictions mean you can’t go to the gym or the spa or wherever you would normally go to relax. If you aren’t careful, this could lead to parties taking stress out on one another. That is what you want to avoid.
Also, consider consuming alcoholic beverages in moderation. Alcohol can affect your judgement and behavior, leading to a large variety of consequences that will not help your situation.
Furthermore, if your separation is an amicable one, it can be even harder to keep up with these legal requirements without reminders and guidelines for yourself in place. Be careful that you don’t slip into old habits. Of course it’s okay (and preferable) for you to be civil, but be sure to keep things separate.
Be Mature
Schools are closed and that means children are now stuck at home as well. Remember that this is a tough situation for them, too. Try to keep that in mind and do what you can to ensure that you stay calm and avoid arguments with your spouse. This is a crisis and it is affecting everyone. For the sake of your children, and your sanity, maturity is key.
If you have questions about navigating legal separation and divorce right now, please contact Cooper Ginsberg Gray.