If you are just starting the divorce process, you are probably feeling a range of emotions. In the course of just one day, you could feel scared, sad, angry, worried, overwhelmed and exhausted. Trust advice from a divorce attorney in Fairfax, Virginia – take a deep breath, though, because you can and will get through this process. The lawyers at Cooper Ginsberg Gray have put together the following Top Ten Tips for people going through a divorce:
1. Stay organized.
You will be receiving a lot of information from your legal team, including correspondence, pleadings, financial documents, etc. Create folders for your ease in cataloguing the documents as you receive them. This will make it easier for you to locate information later in the process. Also, keep track of important dates such as meetings with your legal team, hearings or trial dates, due dates for completion of financial discovery, etc. on a calendar.
2. Consolidate your communications.
It is more efficient (and often much more cost-effective) if you consolidate topics and questions for your attorney into one email (instead of sending emails one after another on different topics). Similarly, avoid calling your attorney on a daily basis. Instead, consider scheduling a weekly or bi-weekly “standing meeting” with your legal team and keeping a working “agenda” in between meetings.
3. Collect information about household finances.
Begin gathering documents related to your household finances as soon as you can. Your attorney will likely request copies of tax returns, bank account and credit card statements, retirement account statements, paystubs, life insurance policies, credit reports and more. You can help streamline this process by assembling the information early in the case.
4. Be realistic.
Understand that divorce courts do not dispense “justice” in family law cases. They resolve disputes. Judges do their best to do the “right thing,” but the “right thing” means different things to different judges. You should also be mindful that there are two sides to EVERY story.
Your lawyer is trained, by schooling and experience, to analyze and argue both sides of every case. When your lawyer points out weaknesses in your case or disagrees with you about the strength of your case, he or she is doing the lawyer’s job. The lawyer is on your team, but is obligated to tell you things that you may not want to hear.
5. Don’t sign an agreement without consulting with your lawyer.
At some point during the divorce process, you may find yourself considering whether to sign an agreement or other document that is presented to you by your spouse (or that you draw up on your own) in order to conserve legal fees. While your intentions may be good, you could be creating problems that your attorney may not be able to rectify for you.
Do not sign any agreements or documents related to assets (such as waivers of retirement benefits, etc.) without having your lawyer review them first. Remember than a short agreement handwritten on the back of a cocktail napkin and signed by you and your spouse can be enforced by a court!
6. Stay off of social media.
Social media can be a treasure trove of information for your spouse’s lawyer. Refrain from posting on social media platforms while you are going through a divorce. Do not delete information, but do consider tightening the privacy settings on your various accounts so that you can control who sees existing content.
7. Create a timeline.
Your attorney will need to understand the history of your marriage. Prepare a timeline of the marriage and include events such as relocations/moves, births of children, job changes, occurrences which you believe to be relevant to the breakdown of the relationship, etc.
8. Keep the children out of your divorce.
Never use your child as a “go-between” for the passing of information to your spouse, and do not quiz the child about your spouse’s activities. Do not speak poorly of the other parent to your child, and do not allow others to do so. Refrain from sharing details of the pending divorce action with the child, even if they ask. Children should not be privy to what is going on the lawyers’ offices, the courtroom or the court’s file.
9. Establish a support system.
Ensure that you have a good support system in place, but be sure to set boundaries. You should not be taking legal advice or suggestions about case strategy from friends or relatives, regardless of how well-intentioned they are. You should, however, be able to rely on these people for comfort and friendship.
Take advantage of the services offered by CGG’s Divorce Coach, Dr. Leah Nathan, including one-on-one coaching sessions, weekly support circles and monthly seminars.
10. Take a deep breath.
The hardest part about the divorce process is the uncertainty. It was hard before you made the decision to leave, or the decision was made for you, but it likely became a little easier once the process was underway. In the same way, it is very difficult when things are unsettled and “up in the air” in terms of outcomes. The divorce can take a year, sometimes longer. However, once things have been resolved, whether by agreement or by a judge, it becomes easier to process. It gets better!
Ask a Divorce Attorney in Fairfax Virginia!
For more information before, during or after your divorce, contact Cooper Ginsberg Gray at (703) 934-1480 or www.cgglawyers.com.